A " Do Over "

I used to write happy stuff that happens in my life in this blog . its been a year since i wrote in this blog . and i didn't write anything during that time . because my life is nothing . 2009 is just a chapter of my life that i almost practically,, lived " in the BOX " . i started blogging in year 2007 . where at that time all good things happened in my life . but all good things came to an end . after i broke up i don't have anything to say in this blog . my ideas are all gone . just some stray thoughts out of nowhere . i don't have the desire to share things anymore . i was a blogger . most blogger like to post everything about their life and feelings . but i didn't do that for a year . because some things are just too personal for me to share it with everyone . i lived in a pathetic conditions where things are just too complicated . i had a handle on my life before,, but it broke . i was sad . i was not in a good shape . i was completely clueless and miserable . the darkest age of my life . i am tired of faking " I am happy, everyone " and put on a smile face .

i really want to get over things . i wanted to leave everything behind and " Do Over " again . Life is a " Do Over " for me . i did it once . and i want to do it again . this time is me getting back up again . i am tired of finding happiness that never comes,, love that eventually breaking me apart . i am tired of people's expectations on me,, all their hopes on me . i am tired of my life before . i am tired to the point where i want to run away from everything .

i have so many things in my mind right now . wishing if i could just put a FULL STOP